New Year's Eve

2011 was the year I pulled the e-brake, pushed the pause button, and stopped
without the distraction of school. i stopped school.
or of obligations to anyone, but myself.  i shed obligations.
or of guilt.  i began to release.
it was a good,and difficult, decision
2011 was a good year.

Milk, good for the bones.

Yesterday, yesterday, yesterday.

I am post-dating this entry.  And thus thinking on... what is there to say?

Ry and Cait have simultaneously spoiled and poisoned my tastebuds.
I can no longer drink "normal" milk, as it now tastes empty and bland in comparison.
I thought that I would still be able to drink cheap milk and occasionally taste Redmond's as a treat.
No such luck.

And this is what I will say about yesterday.

Noise

Policemen shot my baby as he crossed over my doorstep
Policemen shot my baby crossing right over my doorstep
His arms were so close you could see the blood pulsing through both his wrists
Don't tell me the cops are right in a wrong like this
Cause policemen shot my baby as he crossed over my doorstep

[...]

Well, I've tried so hard to be a peaceful, loving woman
Oh, I believed that love and understanding were the way
Oh, but how many gone before you listen to the cries

ice skating.

I, finally, washed my laundry today. Divided into different water temperatures and everything.

And She fights for her life

As she puts on her coat

And she fights for her life on the train

She looks at the rain

As it pours

And she fights for her life

Where people are pleasently strange

And counting the change

And She goes...

Nobody knows

good things

When Drew asked, "If you could have any job right now, what would you be doing," the answer caught me a little off guard.

Off guard, but happy, "What I'm doing right now, really."

Merry Christmas!

Today, I joined our Episcopalean brothers and sisters, over at St. Mary's.
Below, are selections from Prayers for the People, a portion I especially appreciated.
Plain type read by a congregant.  Bold type read in unison by us all.
Merry Christmas!

The Nativity by Julie Vivas

God of Mary and Elizabeth, give your church grace to be pregnant
with hope and to bring forth new life for a barren world.
God of our mothers, hear us and help us!

God of the shepherds, give your church humilty, and to all
who sit in darkness, alone and afraid, a light from heaven
proclaiming peace.
God of the shepherds, hear us and help us!

God of the magi, give your church gifts, and the will to leave
home to find you among the poor.
God of the magi, hear us and help us!

God of the Holly Innocents, give your church power to stand
against violence and to protect the powerless.
God of the victim, hear us and help us!

and, today?

laundry.  What do I really want to do  most this particular Christmas Eve?  That's right, I want to do my laundry. Will the laundromats even be open by the time I get off work?  I'll probably also go off gallivanting to make foraged garlands with the Caitler.  That will be fun.

But, really.  I just want to do my laundry!

google.com/images search: "laundry monster"

that's what I'ma lookin' forward to, today

throat lozenges & books.

blues music (women singin') listening

wallet, keys, food, The Subtle Knife by Phillip Pullman, paper & pen, tissue, phone & charger

Wheels on the Bus

country music, listening

keys, wallet, book, pen, ipod, tissue, food, hall passes, utah wildlife fed coloring book, Muppet Christmas Carol VHS, tuner & capo

a hat.  I should grab a hat, and gloves. 

XTERRA

Permission

Can I give up now?

No?

Oh...

..really?

Okay, then, I suppose.

Buttercup Festival by David Troupes 2-96

This Morning

I will now walk across the snowy street to the grocery store.  There, I will buy food for my cat and food for my self.  There is a red-doored, brick-built, stain-glass-windowed, church on the way to the grocer.  They will be celebrating (what day is it of the advent?)  I may drop in.

The bare-branch trees are snow-dusty. 

My apartment is warm.

Aaaaaand, Ichabad just jumped up in front of the computer.  My cat is hungry, and so am I.


Adeiu

In the Talmud, the rabbis further dictated that a person may not purchase an animal unless he has made provisions to feed it, and a person must feed his animals before he feeds himself (interpreting Deut. 11:15).[where'd I find it?  oh yeah, here]

Hey, World.

We're doing all right.

PRRINT @Etsy

exhaustion

Happy Thanksgiving

Katy's Thanksgiving and Prison Essay

Hip Hip, Hooray! Hip Hip, Hooray!

You could not possibly comprehend how excited I am to be joining these here good people folks.  Also, I am intrigued:  All of my jobs that I get most excited about deal with either multiculturalism or the outdoors.  If one of those two characteristics is not naturally incorporated, I immediately jump to incorporating the one that's left out. Maybe I really am forming a career path!  Awesommmmmmme

Solitude Sally

On Sunday, I played in Goshen Canyon, just north of Mona. It was wonderful.

Okay, now tell me straight.

I am not much of one for implied understandings.

Yes, I insist.

That is all.

Greenwich Village

O snail

Climb Mount Fuji,

But slowly, slowly!

-Issa

Autumnal Wonderland

8 minutes by car
15 minutes by bike
I'll take the bike!

Discussions in Mormon Studies

Desired Traits: Intelligence, Wisdom, Accessibility, Humility, Humor, The ability to not take oneself too seriously (Playfulness?), Generosity

Happy Birthday Shananana

We celebrated THIS lovely woman tonight:
(Isn't she somethin'?  Yeah, I think so, too.)

Epicly Awesome Zion's Womenfolk-Only Trip of Grandeur--May 2011

I faded in and out of sleep as we devoured Ellenina's worthwritinghomeabout popcorn of popcorns to Legend of Sleepy Hollow cartoons, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer pilot episode, and Joss Whedon's--and I quote--"Best Speech Ever!!!!!"

Car vs Bicycle

Most recent Bicycle repair: $10
Most recent Car repair: $350

Reminding myself that money is made to be spent.  And that, soon, I will be able to go wherever I want whenever I want.  Old haunts, I shall visit you before you are completely snowed in.

Another Day.

Owl in the Attic by Catherine Campbell

On Fear and Exhaustion

Letter to a Young Activist During Troubled Times by By Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Prayer for a Blueberry Girl

I missed

Last night, I came home near 11.  Quickly to bed, and then woke a few minutes before my 6:30 AM alarm.  I like this momentum.  Am appreciative of.   Honor it? Somewhat scared of allowing it to slip.  Balancing recognition of important/useful things with acting out of fear.

And not overthinking it.  

Good morning!

Gently, now.

"If you listen very carefully..." By Jeannie L Pask

Bunny Rabbits and Cats living together. Oh my!

Merinmel Caesg

Cats and Rabbitses are so different. Rearrange everything in the house and Bunny screams, "Oh noeeeees whatareyoudoinghwherewhatwhyAI I AM DOOMED ::thmup thmup thump thump::" Cat leaps up, "New Terrain to Explore! I AM CAT! See me LEAP! ::exploreexploreexploreburrowdashjump::"

 ·  · See Friendship · Tuesday at 10:34am · 

• 
  

  Le Katje likes this.
• • 
    

    Le Katje Oh my gosh. You made me laugh so hard. And it's so true! :) Also, you totally got their dialogue spot on. ;) SO MUCH THUMPING!
    

    Tuesday at 2:02pm · 

Only two more months.

Full time work, or part time schooling, with the new year?

Happy Halloween!

chitter chatter bring la megasaurus up to speed and chitter chatter, oh there's a door behind me? must be working late renovating the laundromat chitter chatter chitter chatter [some minutes later, realize the wooden door hasn't moved, and has a sign reading "Please Knock."] Oh! Megasaurus, hold on a sec [knock on door. 3 young'uns dressed up as old codgers pop out. An improvisational trick-or-treating door scene ensues.]

Joy.

Today?

Friendly Folk--who reach out, earnestly, for exchange. More Friendly Folk--who visit to catch up over the week and celebrate new jobs. Even more friendly folk--who share their loved ones, and food. And then an evening of friendly folk--who share food, laughter and startled yips.

It is good to have a day off.

Breathe, Smile

Breathe, Smile: As important as Sleep, Eat, Work

New Rhythm, Part I

--Alarm -- may or may not wake up
---pet Ichabad until I crawl out of bed
---catch the bus
---bow to passing cars
---short break
---play with old books
---evening sorties
REPEAT

I haven't decided yet how sustainable this new rhythm is. I feel (more than) a tadge overwhelmed. Still, I think the limited free time is helping me to prioritize needs. And, certainly, the money from nearly doubling my work week will take some of the pressure off re: financial goals.

Which, really, I suppose is an important point. This partic New Rhythm is not meant to be sustainable. It is meant to help me reach particular financial and personal goals. I don't mean to keep this up more than 3-6 months.

Monster Snowman-Inspired Pumpkins of DEATH

That is all, good night!

Rachel Brice & other Balancing Acts

In "other Balancing Acts,"  working these particular two jobs is going to have to mean getting to bed earlier and ****eating a lot more food,**** and eating at more regular intervals.  Otherwise, my energy and concentration are absolutely sapped by midday.  Fun exploration adventures learning learnin'

Learning about Lawyering

This "playing Abe" gig could turn out to be more meaningful than I expected.

Lawyer Fella:  So, tell me more about this community development stuff.
Merinmel: *blah blah blah*
Lawyer Fella:  Merinmel, you've chosen a very interesting firm to wave signs for.

Lawyer Fella then goes on to explain what basically amounts to "Sueing for Social Justice."
I am hesitantly skeptical, but intrigued.

Gather

Seeking Charlie Chaplin and Harpo Marx movies---> roadside clown and mime inspiration

Names Changed

Laying in the middle of the road, Landon's legs tremor.  He is unconscious, and his body is seizing.  The lenses on his shades--one has popped out, the other is scratched almost all the way through and badly cracked.  

I look down at Jennie as I rub her back soothingly.  Large droplets of blood collect along the strands of her brown hair.  Blood pools in the fold of her jeans.  

Overwhelm

Eventually, I leave the house. My intended destination is Muse Cafe, where raconteurs are spinning their yarns tonight. Within a block, my own stories gather. I walk and walk. As friends call, I talk. I never reach Muse.  Meanwhile, stories wash over in waves.

"This Glorious Sadness" by Anne-Julie Aubry

A sad night. Searching Etsy, I found the above image. (Although, I fight myself, "My goodness, Woman!  Are you twelve?  A gothic emo adolescent, what are you?!"   I think that voice deserves stifling.  I identify with the image, today.  And, it is so.) Also while the imagery doesn't quite fit, I appreciate the words scrawled across, a piece by Kate Westfall,"Cry out the armies in your eyes. This battle doesn't belong to you."

Call me Abe

I replied to this add today:

Sign Waver/Holder (Orem)

Date: 2011-10-21, 10:50AM MDT
Reply to: job-fwkj5-2661503040@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

We are looking for a temporary Sign Waver to attract new clients to our firm. We will provide the costume (NOT a monkey suit!) and sign.

Work hours are very flexible within 8am - 6pm. Ideally should work 5 days a week, 4 hours/day. Time and pay may be increased based on performance and results.

Can start work immediately. This position will be open as long as weather permits.

Our office is located on Center St in Orem.

The ideal candidate:
- Is energetic.
- Has the endurance to stand/dance for 4 hours.
- Is about 5'9" or taller; the sign is large (this is not required but may be helpful).
- Can work varied hours (8am - 12pm one week, 2pm 6pm another week).

No resume necessary! Simply email your contact information if you are interested.

Location: Orem
Compensation: $7.50 / hour
This is a part-time job.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

"You are the only one who's contacted us. So, we'd love to have you start his afternoon or Monday. If the sign's too big you can just prop it up and wave. ....Abraham Lincoln costume, really just a jacket."

Pretty sure I would hate myself within a matter of hours if I just stood there and waved while looking into a black hole of "I am doing this 20 hours a week. I have sold my soul for money."

Instead, I am going to build some stilts, and learn to walk on them. That's project number 1, at least. I intend to think of this as getting paid for street performance without even having to put out a bowl. And I get to practice on the job. Awesome.

more on spells

http://buttercupfestival.com/2-96.htm

ready for this partic spell to lift

I took tomorrow off work.

perturbed--so little done in a day. so much time lost to sleep or the inefficiencies of lost items and/or projects half finished

So, I take a day off. Will dedicate to the things undone. lost to sleep.

Unusual amongst Everyday, cont.

setting: University Mall

A beautiful woman, a li'l younger than me, is wearing a tag for the store I just entered. She speaks excellent, accented, English as she glances a double take, "You look so familiar to me."

Searching my memory, I come up blank, "I'm not quite sure why."

Searching her own memory she then hits on it and exclaims, "The bus!"

Yep, I ride the bus. Still, I can only muster a quizzical expression for a response. It's been a long day. The woman starts to flap her hands around in a folding motion, "You're the one with the bike!"

Now, I just laugh. "Ah, yeah. The folding bicycle."

"Yeah! You're the girl with the bicycle that," she starts folding her hands again, "It got so small! I'll never forget that day! Do you still have the bike?"

It's only been within the past few months that I've ridden the bus alongside Betsy, my folding bicycle. So I smile through laughter, "Yeah, yeah, I've still got it. She's an awfully useful li'l bike!"

At this point the woman returns to her work and I return to my browsing. She looks a little embarrassed at first, but she still smiles and waves as I leave the store.

Unusual amongst Everyday

setting: Orem gym women's locker room

"You have Heavenly Father's eyes."

"Say what?"

"After a bad car crash I was in a coma for 6 months. I spent time up there and was given the choice to stay or return here. I didn't feel like my work was done, so I returned. "

"Oh."

"Yeah. So, your eyes, they look like Heavenly Father's."

"Uhm, well, thank you. I've never had someone tell me that before."

From one extreme to the other

I hosted a potluck tonight. I kept wanting to cancel it, but figured the impulse to cancel came from malaise, not logic. So, I went ahead, and am glad that I did. I am grateful for good people in my life. It was good to have folks over to laugh, smile, and share good food/music.

In other news, the subject line refers to the following:

And the pendulum goes on swinging--Rebecca Walker on feminism: How My Mother's Fanatical Views Tore Us Apart

Adorable. Also, read the uploader's comments/updates.

I am 24 years old. I am.

1 wedding

2 wedding receptions

1 engagement

busy weekend

brave women of all sorts, all around

we be Brave Woman-Sorts

building cardboard robots who offer safety in the night and smiles in the morning

leaving men alone, when authenticity demands such

dancing, despite a decade of disconnect between music and body

we be bravewomenfolk

we be brave

Seeking Employment

Underemployed and looking for a.m. work.

There are job openings at Centro Hispano and United Way. But, I don't know that I actually want to seek a job in my field, right now. If I'm going to be working 50 or more hours a week, I want some of that to be head time.

I want to work as a dishwasher.

Fortune Cookie

Whatever is temporary must be temporary, don't let it last longer than a year.

Ichabad chases her tail.

Ichabad:
A beautiful, tortoiseshell, companion
At 4 years old an adult, full grown, cat

PLAY, already!

I have a cat, named Ichabad. Ichabad is a beautiful tortoiseshell, four years old. Four years old, in cat years, is a full grown adult.

Tonight, Ichabad was chasing her tail, walking around on her hind legs, dashing around the house and full on attacking the metal legs of our single kitchen table chair. Reminds me that I need to play.

(reattempt= stale, still. but a li'l more clear)

Only a taste of the weekend

I volunteered my time at a protest against corporate greed
and then accepted a meal, paid for by Goldman Sachs.

Meditative Practice

Into a fire, I choose one ember.
Over an ocean, I allow a bird to carry me.

Illustration

Green Evening Stories by David Troupes

Lullabye

I slept forEVER

Find more artists like Jason Myles Goss at Myspace Music

"Friends With Entirely Insufficient Benefits"

I'm not sure FWEIB would ever catch on as an acronym. But, yeah, I suppose that pretty well covers it.

::sigh::

::grumblegrumble::

One of these days, I'll be entirely finished with dating. And the post-dating mop up.

Still, I wouldn't trade in these relationships, lessons or tricky negotiations. Not for anything.

Carolina Marshland Nightwalk

"I'm going for a walk!"

"You shouldn't go for a walk."

"Why?"

"It's dark. Because you'll likely step on a snake."

"Diamondbacks?"

"Cottonmouths! They'll come runnin' after ya. Neighbors dog died of a cottonmouth bite."

"I'm going for a walk."

"Take a flashlight."

South Carolina Utah

The air here smells different. More substance? Not flimsy like that desert stuff. ;-)

::shakes hands in a waving motion in an effort to waft humidity and general marshiness westward to share::

Never Ever

I never sleep the night before a trip.

Lizard Press Open!

New Rhythm, Prequel

You know how as a kid, everyone learns how to play the piano at least a little bit? But no one wants to learn theory. Which, usually, is fine. Cuz typically the teachers don't like theory either and would rather not teach it.

Well, even as a kid, I begged to learn theory. I never really found a teacher who would devote much time to it. But, eventually, I was introduced to scales and other precision practices. And. I. loved. them. Still do. I can practice scales and the like for hours. It's calming. I enjoy the rhythm. Of doing something similar, over and over, in different tempos or volumes or however else. Working within a set form and playing with it. At times, trying to perfect it. At other times, seeing what I can stretch around within those bounds.

I enjoy swimming laps for similar reasons.

Overlook

Drive up the canyon: Deer Creek Reservoir, cheat grass burned brown hills. There's an overlook here I am particularly fond of.

Sometimes, I bring a friend to help sort through my head, listen, talk, scream.

Usually the overlook is deserted. Today, folks were out to view the changing foliage.

Zinn, Exhaustion, Goodnight

Absolutely exhausted. Funny how much more a retail job can tire you out when sick. A quote for the evening, on another sort of exhaustion:

Introducing A People's History of the United States: 1492-Present, Howard Zinn asserts, "My point is not to grieve for the victims and denounce the executioners. Those tears, that anger, cast into the past, deplete our moral energy for the present."

Mira Betz

Recently Read

perhaps I'll order these, add images, etc. tomorrow.

Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss Story by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck Deklyken Illustrated by Taylor Bills

Finding the Love of Your Life by Neil Warren

The Life You Can Save by Peter Singer

brief lives: Sandman (the) written by Neil Gaiman illustrated by Jill Thomspon and Vince Locke

Voices of Bipolar. The Healing Companion: Stories for Courage, Comfort and Strength Edited by The Healing Project

Smart Women Finish Rich by David Bach

Saint Francis Written and illustrated by Brian Wildsmith

Seven Wild Sisters Written by Charles de Lint Illustrated by Charles Vess

The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein

The Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert

Duck! Rabbit! Written by Amy Krouse Rosenthal & Illustrated by Tom Lichtenheld

The Nativity Illustrated by Julie Vivas

A Tree is Nice by Janice May Udry Pictures by Marc Simont

Tar Beach by Faith Ringgold

Agave Blooms Just Once by Gisela Jernigan illustrated by E. Wesley Jernigan

Shoemaker Martin Based on a story by Leo Tolstoy Adapted by Brigitte Hanhart Translated by Michael Hale Illustrated by Bernadette Watts

Private I. Guana: The Case of the Missing Chameleon by Nina Laden

In the past week, these have brought tears.

A Movie: Cactuses

An Essay: Chat History

Still Ill

A day for tea, talking, and kittie cuddles.

Being sick is one of the few times I actually wish I owned a way to watch movies. This is where Creative Commons comes in handy. Everyone, please enjoy Sita Sings the Blues

Trailer:
>edit: added trailer 1:00pm Monday 9/21

Ill

Today, I slept.

My throat is sore.

I made a delicious soup today, out of scraps and leftovers on hand. And, it worked. Good to be cooking again

More Ikea furniture assemblage.

Motorcycle ride up squaw peak courtesy o' and accompanied by friendly folk.

tired.

conversation on priesthood/Mother in Heaven/etc with roommie who reports to the MTC in 10 days

I tried to focus on listening. She's been sorting through this four months. I've been sorting through four years. She needs my ears, and authentic/honest answers, based in experiences, when she poses questions. Not my thoughts, story, history lessons and essays I've read or written. I hope I was successful on the ear-lending/experience sharing balance beam. Keep learning.

Post nasal drip =/= fun
Unpacking my room is nice.

Good night.

Good night.

Orange

Rode home along Orem Main, today.

There is a 4-way stop at the intersection just shy of this peach orchard, up on a hill. Caught me by surprise: shadowy mountains & fire sky reflected in Utah Lake. I pulled off for about a half hour; Stand and watch.

Most thoughts were directly of the scene (neighborhood, Lake, interstate, mountains, bird keeps flying by), but I also thought over hiking, time spent outdoors, dear ol' Kate Nash elbowed her way in there, too

Smorgasbord (Day Off)

Unpacking, building Ikea furniture, listening to Tony Blair on Development Drums, listening to Pandora: Soothe/Aarvo Pärt, watching goosebumps rise on left upper arm while waiting at an unusually long stop light in pouring rain, admiring the stormclouds o'er mountains. Bicycling, organizing, gentling, and also learning about CDs and IRAs at the credit union.

Have I done something kind for myself today?

The above question prompts a visit to Graywhale. I sample four albums, two of which coax broad smiles and happy laughter. Those are the two I purchase.

I ride my bicycle home, fast, at pace. My hair is cut long enough to ride the breeze, but short enough to sidestep the witches' mane. A thin, closely cut, skirt slightly restricts each pedal stroke.

Riding my bicycle home, images flit through various instrumental concerts: Jazz Bands; Vocal Performances; Symphonies. An unexpected turn in the tempo elicits laughter. My fingers stand up on their tip toes to dance along the chair where I sit. Normally, the latter goes unnoticed. Occasionally, a companion will join in finger-dance.

New Soul

Yael Naim

Loop

Julie Vivas